If you struggle with self-criticism, let me start by saying “you are not broken, behind, or failing at life”.

Most high-achieving women I work with have an inner voice that sounds something like this:

“I’m not actually qualified for this.”
“This is my fault.”
“I always mess things up.”
“That win doesn’t really count… anyone could’ve done that.”

And while it might feel like that voice is just being “realistic,” constant self-criticism does real damage. It chips away at confidence, keeps you stuck in overthinking, and can even intensify anxiety and depression over time.

The good news? Self-criticism is a habit and habits can be changed.

Below are three practical, doable strategies to help you manage self-critical thoughts without forcing toxic positivity or pretending everything is fine.

STRATEGY #1: Create an Asset Inventory for Yourself

Self-criticism thrives when your brain forgets the facts. One of the most powerful things you can do is create an evidence list — a written reminder of your strengths, wins, and moments you’re genuinely proud of. I’ve created an Asset Inventory worksheet to help you make this list; you can sign up below to receive it.

This isn’t about bragging. It’s about grounding yourself in truth.

Ask yourself:

What have I accomplished that required courage?
What challenges have I already survived?
When have I shown resilience, growth, or leadership?

Only include things that actually make you feel proud, not what you think you “should” be proud of. If it doesn’t spark a little “yeah… I did that,” leave it off.

When self-criticism shows up, come back to this list. Facts are powerful antidotes to fear-based thinking.

STRATEGY #2: Create Feel-good Affirmations

Affirmations can be incredibly helpful — when they’re done right.

The mistake most people make is trying to leap from:

“I’m a failure”
to
“I’m a confident, unstoppable woman!”

That jump is often too big for your nervous system to accept and when your brain doesn’t believe an affirmation, it rejects it.

A strong affirmation is: Believable + motivating.

Examples:

“I am learning to trust myself more every day.”
“I am capable of figuring things out as I go.”
“I am on my way to becoming more confident and grounded.”
“I don’t need to be perfect to make progress.”

If an affirmation makes you roll your eyes or feel nothing at all, tweak it until it feels supportive, not forced.

STRATEGY #3: Question the Inner Critic Instead of Listening to It

Self-critical thoughts often feel automatic and convincing, but that doesn’t make them true.

The next time one shows up, pause and ask:

Is this thought helping me or hurting me?
Would I say this to someone I care about?
What’s a more compassionate, but honest, way to look at this?

You don’t need to eliminate self-criticism overnight. The goal is to stop treating every critical thought as a command.

Awareness is the first step. Curiosity is the second. Compassion is what creates real change.

A Final Reminder

If you’ve been speaking harshly to yourself for years, it will take time to soften that voice, and that’s okay.

Be patient with yourself. Be kind with the process. And remember: learning to manage self-criticism isn’t about becoming someone new; it’s about coming back to yourself.

You are already worthy of encouragement.